The Fear of an Ugly Baby

No matter how stoic a face they put on, every parent-to-be fears (if only for a guilty moment) that they'll have an ugly baby.  But let's be honest: they've dwelt on it!  Now people will tell you, "Every baby's beautiful!"  However, you and I both know the old adage "a face only a mother could love" is not reserved for dugongs alone.

I once found myself face to face with an infant that so closely resembled a miniature Uncle Fester that when another woman stated (with the clear intention for me to respond) "Isn't he adorable?" I couldn't bring myself to utter a single word.  That, of course, is an extreme case, but there is a degree to which all babies look remarkably like extras in MIB.

I have started to realise, though, as I venture into that previously-ignored section of the department store - the Childrenswear section - that we are constantly being prepared for the alarming possibility of a mutant child.  One need only look at the mannequins used to display the clothing in that section and, by comparison, the most Fester-like of babes seems suddenly rather appealing after-all!  But, truth be told, this is probably less an effort from childrenswear manufacturers to help parents deal with the heartache of an ugly baby, as it is to win them over to their particular brand of clothing.

Of course it is unfair to label any child as "ugly".  They exist as a result of what can only be described as a miracle and have survived an enormous ordeal to be living, breathing in front of you.  Even if their head is a little alien-esque, don't you think you'd be battered if you'd squeezed your whole body through an area a little smaller than a dinner plate?  And even if the worst is true: you have an ugly baby; it isn't the end of the world - plenty of ugly people have lived very successful lives, some even publicly!  Just look at Sarah Jessica-Parker!